Free at last, free at last!

Apologies for the radio silence this past week…I was very busy having a pity-party for myself, and boy was it a rager.

The surgery itself, when it finally happened, went smoothly and physical recovery has been a lot easier than expected – phew!!!

Emotionally though, I was tapped.  After last tuesday’s escapade – which I learned was a result of being given almost TWICE the normal amount of nerve blocking medication in my back which then caused the cardiac arrest – I went into surgery on friday with no gas in the tank.  Waking up from anesthesia and learning that they found cancer in my lymph nodes absolutely took the wind out of my sails…I really didn’t expect it with the cancer in my biopsies being so small.

So I needed to grieve it, mourn it, and just generally feel like crap about it.  And I did just that, very well I might add.

Today I brought Chace in for his kindergarten screening at the elementary school.  Aiden’s kindergarten teacher came down the hall to get Chace, and we started chatting (I think everyone at the school knows what’s going on).  She shared with me that she’s a 5-year survivor of breast cancer, and she said something to me that I needed to hear: “You know, attitude is 99% of this battle”.  A simple statement, but it hit home for me.

Then Austin and I went into Boston for my follow-up appointment with the plastic surgeon.  I was really REALLY hoping the drains were going to be removed, but I wasn’t holding my breath with the way things have unfolded thus far.  He thought everything looked really good and (Hallelujah!) pulled the drains – a bizarre feeling when you have no nerve endings in the area anymore….

I got dressed to leave the office and felt….naked.  Liberated.  GLORIOUS.

I don’t think I realized how much those damn things were holding me down.   I shimmied.  Sashayed.  Did a little jig!

I now feel like a huge weight has been lifted, and that the wind has returned to my sails.  I’m ready to fight the next chapter, whatever it may be – bring it, I say!

XOXO

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12 thoughts on “Free at last, free at last!

  1. Alex,
    You are such a trooper! ❤ I love your outlook on life and it is true it’s about attitude! Give it hell, chin up you’re a fighter and you’ll get over this hurdle! Please let me know if there is anything you need!

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  2. Oh, Alex! I’ve been thinking about you and waiting for your update. You write with such grace and bravery — and, astoundingly, humor — about the past week. Sending love and admiration and complete faith that you will kick this cancer’s ass. As always, please let me know how I can help from so far away. XoxoB

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  3. I think you are just great – keep allowing yourself to feel what you feel and keep moving forward through this process. So happy you are healing well and got those drains out! 😘

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  4. Awesome news! About the drain, not the pity party. Feel all the emotions but focus on the positive attitude to get your through this! x

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  5. you amaze me and encourage me. I totally agree with the teacher, 99% is attitude, this august will be one year since losing a very dear and close friend from cancer. doctors gave her 2 years to live and she lived 7 and she was the MOST positive person I know. you CAN and WILL fight and win this shit. 🙂
    now I will never complain again about spending 8 hours in the ER like I did tonight… love to you and so happy you are feeling so awesome
    xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Alex- so good to hear your voice again. You remain so incredibly strong and inspiring, but please know that you can indulge in pity parties and wild rages all you want right here. We love you and are fully expecting the whole gamut of emotions. After all, what else is a blog for?

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  7. Your grace and humor continue to amaze me. I know you don’t need our permission to ‘break down’ but it’s totally human and natural. Feel what you feel and the faster you’ll move through it. We love you!!

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  8. I love you and am honored you are my sister-n-law. Thank you for being in my life and bringing such strength to our family. Bad days are bad days, but they are always followed by good days. Cheers to the small milestones!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Drains suck! Not sure who invented those but always good to have them gone. I’m glad you had your pity party, that’s important. You don’t have to be all on, all positive all the time. For whatever reason you were put in this position and you have every right to protest! Me and my bottle of vodka caused quite a ruckus at my pity party (ies). Just remember, you will make it through this journey and you won’t be alone! Me and my bottle of vodka would be happy to join you and your pity party partner of choice any time! 😉

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