Apologies for the radio silence this past week…I was very busy having a pity-party for myself, and boy was it a rager.
The surgery itself, when it finally happened, went smoothly and physical recovery has been a lot easier than expected – phew!!!
Emotionally though, I was tapped. After last tuesday’s escapade – which I learned was a result of being given almost TWICE the normal amount of nerve blocking medication in my back which then caused the cardiac arrest – I went into surgery on friday with no gas in the tank. Waking up from anesthesia and learning that they found cancer in my lymph nodes absolutely took the wind out of my sails…I really didn’t expect it with the cancer in my biopsies being so small.
So I needed to grieve it, mourn it, and just generally feel like crap about it. And I did just that, very well I might add.
Today I brought Chace in for his kindergarten screening at the elementary school. Aiden’s kindergarten teacher came down the hall to get Chace, and we started chatting (I think everyone at the school knows what’s going on). She shared with me that she’s a 5-year survivor of breast cancer, and she said something to me that I needed to hear: “You know, attitude is 99% of this battle”. A simple statement, but it hit home for me.
Then Austin and I went into Boston for my follow-up appointment with the plastic surgeon. I was really REALLY hoping the drains were going to be removed, but I wasn’t holding my breath with the way things have unfolded thus far. He thought everything looked really good and (Hallelujah!) pulled the drains – a bizarre feeling when you have no nerve endings in the area anymore….
I got dressed to leave the office and felt….naked. Liberated. GLORIOUS.
I don’t think I realized how much those damn things were holding me down. I shimmied. Sashayed. Did a little jig!
I now feel like a huge weight has been lifted, and that the wind has returned to my sails. I’m ready to fight the next chapter, whatever it may be – bring it, I say!