Seven down, one to go!

I couldn’t think of anything more clever for a title…must be the “chemo-brain”, lol.

But here I am, in all my seventh-chemo glory:

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And I’ve got yet another wonderful friend from college to thank for coming with me today.  We talked so much the time flew by (and these Taxol infusions take ALL day), and I scarcely noticed the traffic on our way back home.  I’m one lucky girl, that’s for sure!

So….I have to share with you that the past two weeks were TOUGH.  Really, really tough.  I had what I like to call a Def-con 5 meltdown last week – finally, don’t you think? – and my hubby helped me pick up the pieces (gotta love him!).  I’m just worn down…physically, mentally, emotionally…all of it.  I am completely, utterly and totally spent.  I know I’m almost there, and I keep telling myself that – but I found myself saying, “I’ve only got two treatments left – wait, sh*t, I STILL have two treatments left, ughhh”.

I also lost my eyebrows and eyelashes.  This SUCKS, plain and simple.  Much harder than losing the hair on my head, I have to say, which was surprising.  I’m still caught off guard by my reflection in the mirror sometimes though, because I just don’t look like myself anymore.  It’s the cancer-me, the face of someone who should feel sick (which I thankfully don’t).  It has a stripped-down feel to it…raw, naked, vulnerable, hollow….just plain yuck.  I can say without a doubt that I don’t like this reflection.  I’ve felt compelled to share my no-make-up face with you here, not for your pity or telling me that beauty is within – but because it’s part of this process, it’s part of my processing it all…and I hope you don’t mind!  On a brighter note, I’ve found an awesome eyebrow product (thanks so my best sister evah!) called Wunderbrow that has really helped.  So, I’m going to post my no-make-up face, and then another pic after I used the Wunderbrow, some powder and put on a SMILE (no filters on either).  The photos look like night and day to me, and I’m going to title these two #skindeep.  Brace yourself, friends:

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Eeeeeeeeeeek!!!!!

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Much better.  And I think it’s true what Annie sang: you’re never fully dressed without a smile! 🙂

Now that infusion #7 is over and I can say, “Only ONE MORE left!!!”, I feel the weight has been lifted.

I got this.

XO 🙂

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19 thoughts on “Seven down, one to go!

  1. Losing hair, other than pubics, totally sucks, so I hope Mother Chemo has you uncovered there too;). You have always been beautiful to me, your inside charm and beauty always shows in your face, consistently makes me smile…I have to say woman, you have one perfectly shaped head! Thanks for being vulnerable and letting us in, your pictures are amazing!

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  2. God – I love you Alex! You are such a brave, inspirating, strong, beautiful women! I hope when you have completely kicked Cancers f*n ASS – you are able to look back at all of what you have gone through and be truly proud of yourself! My girlfriend from high school was just diagnosed with breast Cancer – I feel like your blog/story could really be helpful to her… Is there a way that she can follow this, or read your blog? I know she’s completly terrified right now. Keep doing what you’re doing – I think you are AWESOME!!! XOXO

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  3. I had been thinking you were SUPERHUMAN because of no breakdowns, but now I think you are a SUPER HUMAN because you had the breakdown and can speak so beautifully about it and your entire experience. The force is with you, sister — you are almost on the other side of this journey. Big hugs and kisses to you, Austin and the boys. Thinking of you every day. xoxoB

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  4. Alex- so sorry it’s been tough but, as I was saying to your mother, your strength is almost hard to believe, so going through some rough, vulnerable times just seems inevitable. Nobody I know has your strength and determination, but I also don’t know anyone who could go through this without falling sometimes. The eyebrows are great, btw, and, as always, that SMILE. We all send you lots of love, Alex.

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  5. You are so beautiful, even without eyebrows and eyelashes…but you are so much more. Your vulnerability and willingness to share it is the most beautiful thing – because I know you are helping others with it. You are almost through this – sending good vibrations your way!

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  6. Still looks just like you. The only thing I notice is that smile vs that scowl;) Get those last treatments out of the way and watch the healing begin. That will be fun to write about! Thinking of you!!!
    Graham

    Liked by 1 person

  7. You are so amazing Alex to share… with your vulnerable side and truly share the whole experience with us !!! Thank you, thank you, thank you for allowing me to be a part of your journey. You are so inspiring!
    Just last week as I was having incredibly horrible morning… And I was driving past the intersection in which I frequently see you pull out onto front Street (I don’t think you see me…but I see you- must be the FBI agent in me or something ) so anyhow… I thought of you and thought you know what… Alex is so amazingly strong !!!! I can be strong through my sucky horrible morning. It made me smile and brighten my day to think of your super human strength and grace in allowing yourself to be open with your vulnerability. So thank you for truly inspiring me in more ways than you know. 💗💗

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  8. Alex you will ALWAYS BE BEAUTIFUL!!!!! Your vulnerability is so raw real and so exposed there is no way you can shame yourself for anything you’re experiencing on your worst of days. You’ve earned them! Death con 5 melt downs are part of the process. Its what you do to inspire the rest of us she-mans with your strength and determination when you share your journey with us. You just Keep Calm And Alex On!!! Seeing you is like a magnetic pull toward greatness! XOXO

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  9. Alex,

    You are one of the strongest woman I know!!!!! You always have that beautiful smile on your face despite how you are feeling inside.. Break downs are just a part of this crappy journey. Looking in the mirror must be hard for you, but we all want you to know you are so much more BEAUTIFUL than hair, eye brows and eyelashes. One more Chemo treatment to go….you got this my friend!

    Love ya
    Erica

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  10. Holy moly babe!!! Soooo close to being done!!! You are such an inspiration.. And seriously you are so gorgeous even now. Let me know if you need anything and keep that beautiful smile going babycakes!! Xoxox

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  11. Holy moly babe!!! Soooo close to being done!!! You are such an inspiration.. And seriously you are so gorgeous even now. Let me know if you need anything and keep that beautiful smile going babycakes!! Love you to the moon and back!!!
    Xoxox
    Love, Mishi

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  12. I’m so excited to hear – ONE MORE!! Alex…you are so strong, and so incredibly inspiring. You are also human (in my eyes you are wonder woman, but still also human)…and how could you not be exhausted and spent from everything. Think of all you have been through… and in the face of it all you have, and continue to, persevere. And, I think that you are even stronger after “breaking down” – and getting through that (and knowing – I got through that!!). Now one more – STAY STRONG…YOU’VE GOT IT ALEX!! xoxo

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